Best Friends

Last night in redemption groups the conversation was over what we grumble about. I have my small list of grumblings, I’m typically not an external grumbler but I grumble in my heart.

1. The house not being clean

2. Money

3. Lack of sleep

4. Lack of friends

5. Lack of my husband wanting us to go out and have friends

The hardest one for me lately has been a lack of friends. A lot of my really good friends have moved away, we just had a baby, and my husband does not like to go out a whole lot (see grumble above). It’s been hard for me to be young and have two children, and still feel like I want to go out and have fun. Sometimes I selfishly feel tied down by having a husband and children (Is it just me?)!

After redemption groups last night I was laying in bed with my husband (kids asleep finally) and I was reading him my Psalm that I had to make in redemption groups. I was sharing with him my thoughts. We were laughing, we were praying and I was grateful for my best friend.

I had this sudden recollection of this feeling of frustration with him for the past couple of years of not really wanting to go out a whole lot and do things with our friends (BBQ’s, dinners, parties). And his reasoning was always “I just want to be home with you.”

All of the sudden last night I had an overwhelming gratitude towards Gods work in our lives. While I’ve been grumbling to God about my lack of friendships for this past season he has refined my relationship with my husband. I realize now that the reason God halted friendships is because he wanted me to draw near to my husband for comfort and to learn to be at peace at my home with my husband & children.

Will is my best friend. I am comfortable alone with him. We hold back no secrets, or fears, or dreams. I am grateful for that part of God’s story. For taking away something in order to give me something better. I’m glad I saw it last night – it felt amazing seeing God’s plan of redemption. I am blessed.

A ripple in the rug

I'm taking a class in church called "Redemption" (more on that later) but today one of the Pastors was in our class and he was sitting in such a way that his shoe pressed against the rug and caused a large ripple. I kept staring at the rugs lump and I knew I wouldn't be able to focus until it was straight so I said something to the effect of "I'm sorry to be neroutic, but your foot is causing the rug to bunch." to which he responded "Well, so is your foot on your side." in good banter I said "Well that doesn't matter, I can't see my side." To which one of our group leaders responded "Well isn't that the way it works."

You see, I don't see the ripples that I cause as quickly as I see the ripples that others cause. In other words, I don't see my sin as clearly as I see the sins of others. In my marriage I am much more apt to tell my husband of all the "lumps" he's causing in our marriage than to address my own. I see my husbands sin first, I see my bosses sin first, I see my children's sin first, I see my friends sin first. I tend to miss the most important sin of all: MY OWN!

Clearly the bible talks about this when it addresses removing the blank from your own eye to see the speck of dust in your brothers (Mathew 7:3-5) so I'm hopeful that I'm not the only one with this "issue". I am also convicted of evaluating my own heart and changing my lumps instead of focusing on other peoples.

As to redemption groups, they are HARD and GOOD. I will write more after I evaluate my heart because there is a lot going on in there right now.

Mommy & Daughter Date

Yesterday Zoe & I got to spend the whole day together. She had the day off school and I took the day off work so it could be just me & her time. We knew when we had Orion that things would change around the house and that Zoe would no longer receive "only child" treatment. It's been 7 months now for her having a baby brother and things have been great. She's patient and she's the second mommy around the house making sure he has everything he needs.

I have of course had to spend more time with Orion since I am his food source, and Will has taken a lot of time to ensure Zoe receives the attention she needs while I am tending to baby. I have missed hanging out with Zoe alone though - so yesterday was the perfect opportunity to catch up on life with my amazing 7 year old.

We went to the pool, we went hot-tubbing, we got pedicures, we went to lunch, and like all girls like to do...we did some shopping! It was a great day with her and it was nice to re-connect and tell her how special she is to me!